Consequences

July 11, 2025•2 min read

This is one of the most difficult things to do as a parent. Your child has done something they shouldn't, and now you have to think of what the consequence should be. Let's clarify something - consequences are just a natural response to some type of behavior. It is NOT the same thing as a punishment.

Here are 3 steps to deciding on an appropriate consequence for your child:

1. Show understanding of their emotion in the moment. Whether they feel guilty, apathetic, upset, angry, worried - take time to let them express it. It's also a good idea to wait for emotions to settle before coming up with a consequence, if the situation is not an emergency.

2. Tailor the consequence to teach a life lesson related to the issue. For example - did they run away from you when you told them it was time to leave the park due to having an appointment? You could choose to have them apologize to the person you have the appointment with to take responsibility for their actions. OR you could cancel the next schedule park time. These are specifically related to their behavior, and appropriate consequences.

3. Follow Through. Whatever consequence you choose to give - make sure you are okay with it, too! I can't tell you how many parents I have seen yell empty threats that they will never follow through with. This teachers your child that you don't mean what you say, and ultimately they lose trust in your words. So if you a going to make them give up their phone for a week - make sure you are okay with them being bored. :)

Want to go deeper with this? Check out my book recommendations here! The one at the top of the list takes an indepth look at how to give effective consequences to produce lasting change.

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Sending a big hug!

~Audra

Audra Phelps

I am a mom of 3, teacher and school administrator. I have seen a lot of good and bad parenting come through my classroom and office - and I have also been an energy-depleted mom looking for a better way to parent. After leaving the LDS church, I knew I wanted to raise my kids differently than I was raised. But I had no idea where to start, no one to mentor me, and no resources specific to this transition. I understand the frustrations and the reasons why we resort to parenting tactics that are more damaging than we like to admit. I will share with you what I have learned through raising my own kids, and observing the affects of different parenting styles on the students I work with. When we know better, we do better - and I am here to help you learn a better way to raise independent kids without the guidance of the Mormon church, and while rediscovering your authentic self.

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