5 to 1 ratio to counteract tense moments

July 11, 2025•1 min read

You know the moments I'm talking about - the ones where you both get upset, words are exchanged, and you wake up the next morning feeling like you just gave your child a reason to be in therapy.

OR ...

You said something that was hurtful, but you didn't mean it that way, and you child silently turned and walked away. OUCH.

Now what?

positive and negative interactions with your child how to fix a bad moment as a mom

Well, first is to own your mistake and have a conversation with your child once the emotions have settled down (many of us growing up LDS didn't have this example). Then, it's time to work on the 5:1 ratio. Let me explain:

In order to mitigate, or lessen the effect of a negative interaction, you should aim for 5 positive ones for every negative one. This builds your trust and connection with your child, so when the inevitable happens and emotions run high, it doesn't have such a lasting effect. Do this every time you are with your child. Think of a compliment you can give, a joke you can tell, a story you can ask about, or something you can do together.

Try it this week and let me know how it goes! Share with me all the different ways you have increased your ration with positive interactions!

Cheering you on, {first_name}!

~Audra

Interested in parenting coaching? Check out what I offer by clicking here!

Audra Phelps

I am a mom of 3, teacher and school administrator. I have seen a lot of good and bad parenting come through my classroom and office - and I have also been an energy-depleted mom looking for a better way to parent. After leaving the LDS church, I knew I wanted to raise my kids differently than I was raised. But I had no idea where to start, no one to mentor me, and no resources specific to this transition. I understand the frustrations and the reasons why we resort to parenting tactics that are more damaging than we like to admit. I will share with you what I have learned through raising my own kids, and observing the affects of different parenting styles on the students I work with. When we know better, we do better - and I am here to help you learn a better way to raise independent kids without the guidance of the Mormon church, and while rediscovering your authentic self.

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